"Thumbelina"

Do you know the story Hans Christian Anderson wrote 200 years ago? "Thumbelina" was one of my favorite stories written by him when I was a little girl, at least the Russian translation from the original language. As far as I remember the plot, there was a kind old woman who could not have children but wanted so badly. So she planted a flower and prayed, and a tiny girl was born inside of this flower and because she was no bigger than an inch a lady named her Thumbelina (translating from Russian it would sound more like "Inchelina"). And I remember what nice little things the lady had made for Thumbelina. She lived on a window sill , slept in a bed from a nut shell and covered herself with a leaf, she had a swing made from a ring on a string, and a paper boat she could use to go across the bowl filled with water that looked more like a lake for tiny Thumbelina.

So when I got a flyer from Paper Mill Playhouse, which is a nice sized theatre in Millburn, NJ, I was absolutely excited to see "Thumbelina" among other shows for kids this spring. That's what it said about the show:

April 29,30
THUMBELINA Bits'N Pieces Puppet Theatre
Recommended for ages 3 to 8

Hans Christian Anderson celebrates his 200th birthday this year and what better way to celebrate than with the story of his beloved Thumbelina. Born inside the smallest of flowers, she grows into a tiny girl who makes friends with the animals in her garden and proves that anyone can find happiness if you have faith and believe in what your heart tells you to be true. Performed by live actors and giant puppets, one portraying Hans Christian Anderson himself, this fully-staged musical brings to life the magical wonderment of children's fantasy and reinforces the core values long told and emphasized by one of the world's great storytellers.

I got the tickets the same day and was looking forward to having a family theatre outing. I used to perform on stage on an amateur level while in high school and university and enjoy immensly going to the theatre. We woke up earlier this Saturday, had a quick breakfast, got dressed and left the house for the show. I wore a skirt, some make up and high heels, the girls looked so cute in their spring outfits, and I just love to see my hubby wear nice clothes rather than his everyday contractor jeans and Tshirts.

It was a beautiful day and we did not rush to get inside but spent a couple of minutes looking at the giant gold fish in the pond by the theatre. We had found our seats in the mezzanine, the lights went off and the curtains opened. I was on the cloud nine!..

But unfortunately not for too long. As the show continued my eyebrows rose more and more up, and I thought I was going to walk with them almost up on my hairline for the rest of my life. I don't know if I manage to find the words to describe the emotions I had experienced during that hour of the show, my disappointment, the bitterness and even anger. But I'm still in shock of how this kind of production was allowed to be called a "fully-staged musical".

When the curtains opened there were some kind of giant flowers in the middle of a black mess! There were no back curtains, so you could see deep into the stage the things that were distractive and you wouldn't want to see. The floor was NOT clean, there were papers and some other garbage lying around, so even we, sitting in the mezzanine, could see it. The music started and then this hideous puppet that was portraying Hans Christian Anderson himself appeared on the stage and began singing in this scratchy kind of voice about the imagination. So the audience was supposed to exercise their brains and imagine a beautiful garden, with birds singing and flowers blooming, and the bees buzzing. This song was already making me tired and I was trying really, really hard to imagine ...but couldn't. All I could see was a black hole, a couple of flowers in the middle made out of scrap materials and mess around them. Then another giant puppet appeared on the stage, and this time it was a bad Witch. She was jumping around the stage like a mad cow, turning her heard 360 degrees and swinging her arms like there was a swirl of bees or flies she was trying to get rid of. At this point Mirek had expressed his concern about Leona having nightmares later since her beautiful eyes were bigger than big and she seemed to be a bit tense. The witch was singing some kind of song again (there was NO singing actually, but a recording playing) that I can't recall the lyrics of and she started "magically" transforming one of the flowers into a girl. So finally the tiny girl (she did look tiny next to those giant puppets!) was born from the flower and I just gasped... The way she was dressed, her make up, her bright pink messy wig... she looked like a ... clown! The only thing missing was that red nose! The music stopped (my ears had some rest at last!) and she spoke. She introduced herself as princess Thumbelina ( why was she a princess I could not comprehend) and educated the audience what a "thumble" was and what you could use it for. Then her and the witch sang a song, and all I remember was "Thumbelina", "Thumbelina", "Thumbelina"....la-la-la...la-la-la...

Then there was a Cupid. He was running around Thumbelina and giggling in a most stupid way I've ever heard. I was getting so angry already that I heard myself saying "stupid Cupid" out loud and wasn't embarrased a bit. The show had gotten on my nerves. So, the Cupid gave Thumbelina a stuffed heart and sang another song, this time about listening to your heart and following it to find your happiness. Then there was a giant Frog that demanded Thumbelina's kiss so it could turn into a prince. So Thumbelina grinned and made faces showing her disgust, but kissed the frog anyway. The magic did not occur and the frog was gone for good. After another rather long and boring song a different puppet entered the stage, and it was Winter. It was a scary puppet and was making poor flowers fade, and Thumbelina freeze, all that accompanied by a played back song (hey... they said it was a musical!) about how vicious the Winter was.

As the show was progressing I couldn't wait for it to be over, so that we could go outside and look at the fish in the pond again and enjoy the beautiful weather and each other instead of sitting there and listening to those twisted messages and worrying about our girls absorbing all that nonsense.

Then there was a giant Bird that for some reason spoke with a Scottish accent, a Mole that DID NOT look like a mole even a bit, but more like a rat with an extremely long tail. Again the same song about the imagination, as if Thumbelina was going into the tunnel dug out by the mole (I did not have to imagine that! The whole stage was a HOLE!) with spider webs all over the place. I've never heard of the spider making a web underground, but at that point it did not matter any more. The show was based on lies, and it was getting worse and worse. And I just got tired trying to figure everything out.

Thumbelina was saved from the Winter by the mole and was appointed to be a maid of honor at the wedding. Guess who married whom! You'll never guess! The Mole and the lady Spider had gotten married! I was already feeling much better since I knew that the show was going to end soon and Mirek was making me laugh with his sarcastic remarks.

All right...Thumbelina finally met her prince (after kissing that stuffed heart she'd got from the Cupid numerous times), they got married and lived happily ever after. Hurray!... I was already getting up to leave but Thumbelina still had something else to tell us! This time she had taken ALL the magic away form the show, completely crushed ALL the imagination that the kids were supposed to use during the performance. Thumbelina started a marketing campaign! She said that she was a play writer and the puppet designer for the Bits'N Pieces Theatre. That they are from Tampa, FL and have travelled around the world (I'm curious to know what she meant by that!). And then she began giving a detailed description of what the puppets were made from (bits and peices of 2x4s and other scrap material), a metal stick was brought on stage and a puppet Bird stopped moving and a man appeared from under it. Again Thumbelina reminded the audience what a "thumble" was and what you could use it for, made sure that the kids remembered the names of the four seasons that supposedly we had travelled through during the show (another lie!) and reminded to spread the word about another performance on Sunday.

Ye, right! How dare they call it a theatre! And I've been thinking about it! First, when we were leaving the theatre it struck me that I was the ONLY one wearing a skirt (forget my heals!). The majority of mommies and grannies wore casual jeans, I'd say looking no different than any other day. The show started at 10 am, it cost $10 per person. I get it, it was not a Broadway performance, but anyway... Why to settle for "ah, good enough" kind of attitude? Why not to make an extra effort and make it a little more special, not ordinary.

And that was the whole attitude of the Bits'N Peices Puppet Theatre, I think! "Ah, it's good enough for the kids, what do they know? We'd through some "educational" material into the show and parents will think it's beneficial for their kids. Anyway, they cannot possibly have high expectations. What do they want for $10?"The magic of marketing! As long as you do a good job doing it, you can sell anything!

I guess, we'll go to the library and try to find the story written by Hans Christian Anderson. Anyway, moles do not marry spiders, spiders do not make webs underground, and winter is a beautiful season! If I had a rotten egg I'd have thrown it into Thumbelina. A rotten performance deserves a rotten egg!